SHAIR 137: Yoga for Internal Healing from Addiction with Kyczy Hawk

What Is Denial? - It Is Kind Of Like Being Asleep

Denial is Like Not Being Awake

My sleep is useful. My sleep dreams allow me to explore lands, relationships, powers and abilities that I may not ever know in "real life". It is a safe place and an undirected discovery of my unconscious mind. My sleep is more often rich with cues and lessons that I cannot see when I am awake.

Being "asleep", however, does not benefit my "awake" state when I am unconscious of my waking actions.  What happens when a part of me is asleep while I am up and about during the day? My conscious mind perceives best without illusion. But sometimes my emotional self isn't ready for my full attention. I act or think in a way that is remote from my actual attention.

This is what denial is for me. My experience of denial is that the rest of me, the most of me, is aware of what I am doing. It is aware of my actions and my choices even when they are detrimental! I may be, in fact, turning a blind eye to what I am doing that is harmful. This is not intentional. In fact, that is part of the problem; the action and the choice are not in line with my life intentions.  And I just don't see it. That blindness can harm me: my emotional, energetic, spiritual or physical health. 

So what happens? How do I wake up? How do I open my eyes? In my experience it comes in flickers: I am reminded of my life purpose, or my intentions, or my values and notice that what I am doing no longer supports them. Then the curtain falls again. Once more, I see the dissonance between my choices the misalignment with who I want to be. Something in my behavior is not in accord with my values. And for a longer time, I see. And so it goes; aware /unaware. Awake and asleep. Until, miraculously, I make the ultimate change; denial is no longer an "option", I wake up and  I transform.

I think that the greatest illusion that we have is that denial protects us. It is actually the biggest distortion and lie. In fact, staying asleep is what's killing us. Eve Ensler

What is behind all the noise in my mind?

What Is Behind The Noise In My Mind?

Some days I am truly vexed by the running and re-running of a series of unuseful thoughts. Old tapes with false information about who I am, how worthy (or actually UNworthy) I am, my lack of skills or abilities, my looks and so on run incessantly in my brain. These unkind rumors cast a pall on my daily activities, my relationships with others and ruin the spontaneity of joyful living. Sometimes the silent radio of this false information is so incessant that I wonder if there is any reason to be here.

This mind noise is a Big Fat Lie. I am not, I could not be, as bad, failing, lacking, valueless, as this mind chatter makes me seem. I don't have to be enthused with every activity, every action, every connection in my life for life to be of value. The negative thoughts are casting a pall over life; life is worthy. So am I.

The discipline of finding and listening to my wisdom inner mind comes from practice. Practice redirecting the negative, purging the negative by leaving it alone rather than yelling at it, and sitting in meditation. Yes, meditation not only gives me a period of time where my intention is to be at peace- that intention flows through my day. It takes time, it takes discipline and the results are comforting. 

I am fine, I am enough; if I don't know how to do something I can learn it and I can get help. In time I can go even deeper and live in that space where I trust my own inner wisdom to guide, nurture and sustain me.

Dismiss all the thoughts which bother your mind. Train yourself during many days, many months, many years, to retain this pure mind. One day, when your empty mind has become crystallized, suddenly it will be illumined by its own intrinsic wisdom. At that instant you will realize the state of pure awakening. - Sokei-an, "Return to Your Original State!" 

And then there is this wonderful article about the brain: https://tinyurl.com/yagwql2x

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500 is the author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. Her new book:”Yogic Tools for Recovery: A Guide for Working the Twelve Steps” and it’s workbook are available now.
Kyczy is very proud of her family; husband, kids, and grandkids, all who amaze her in unique and wonderful ways. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.