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What is behind all the noise in my mind?

Some days I am truly vexed by the running and re-running of a series of unuseful thoughts. Old tapes with false information about who I am, how worthy (or actually UNworthy) I am, my lack of skills or abilities, my looks and so on run incessantly in my brain. These unkind rumors cast a pall on my daily activities, my relationships with others and ruin the spontaneity of joyful living. Sometimes the silent radio of this false information is so incessant that I wonder if there is any reason to be here.

This mind noise is a Big Fat Lie. I am not, I could not be, as bad, failing, lacking, valueless, as this mind chatter makes me seem. I don't have to be enthused with every activity, every action, every connection in my life for life to be of value. The negative thoughts are casting a pall over life; life is worthy. So am I.

The discipline of finding and listening to my wisdom inner mind comes from practice. Practice redirecting the negative, purging the negative by leaving it alone rather than yelling at it, and sitting in meditation. Yes, meditation not only gives me a period of time where my intention is to be at peace- that intention flows through my day. It takes time, it takes discipline and the results are comforting. 

I am fine, I am enough; if I don't know how to do something I can learn it and I can get help. In time I can go even deeper and live in that space where I trust my own inner wisdom to guide, nurture and sustain me.

Dismiss all the thoughts which bother your mind. Train yourself during many days, many months, many years, to retain this pure mind. One day, when your empty mind has become crystallized, suddenly it will be illumined by its own intrinsic wisdom. At that instant you will realize the state of pure awakening. - Sokei-an, "Return to Your Original State!" 

Kyczy Hawk  E-RYT500, Yoga Teacher and Author 

SHAIR 137: Yoga for Internal Healing from Addiction with Kyczy Hawk

What Is Denial? - It Is Kind Of Like Being Asleep

Denial is Like Not Being Awake

My sleep is useful. My sleep dreams allow me to explore lands, relationships, powers and abilities that I may not ever know in "real life". It is a safe place and an undirected discovery of my unconscious mind. My sleep is more often rich with cues and lessons that I cannot see when I am awake.

Being "asleep", however, does not benefit my "awake" state when I am unconscious of my waking actions.  What happens when a part of me is asleep while I am up and about during the day? My conscious mind perceives best without illusion. But sometimes my emotional self isn't ready for my full attention. I act or think in a way that is remote from my actual attention.

This is what denial is for me. My experience of denial is that the rest of me, the most of me, is aware of what I am doing. It is aware of my actions and my choices even when they are detrimental! I may be, in fact, turning a blind eye to what I am doing that is harmful. This is not intentional. In fact, that is part of the problem; the action and the choice are not in line with my life intentions.  And I just don't see it. That blindness can harm me: my emotional, energetic, spiritual or physical health. 

So what happens? How do I wake up? How do I open my eyes? In my experience it comes in flickers: I am reminded of my life purpose, or my intentions, or my values and notice that what I am doing no longer supports them. Then the curtain falls again. Once more, I see the dissonance between my choices the misalignment with who I want to be. Something in my behavior is not in accord with my values. And for a longer time, I see. And so it goes; aware /unaware. Awake and asleep. Until, miraculously, I make the ultimate change; denial is no longer an "option", I wake up and  I transform.

I think that the greatest illusion that we have is that denial protects us. It is actually the biggest distortion and lie. In fact, staying asleep is what's killing us. Eve Ensler

What is behind all the noise in my mind?

What Is Behind The Noise In My Mind?

Some days I am truly vexed by the running and re-running of a series of unuseful thoughts. Old tapes with false information about who I am, how worthy (or actually UNworthy) I am, my lack of skills or abilities, my looks and so on run incessantly in my brain. These unkind rumors cast a pall on my daily activities, my relationships with others and ruin the spontaneity of joyful living. Sometimes the silent radio of this false information is so incessant that I wonder if there is any reason to be here.

This mind noise is a Big Fat Lie. I am not, I could not be, as bad, failing, lacking, valueless, as this mind chatter makes me seem. I don't have to be enthused with every activity, every action, every connection in my life for life to be of value. The negative thoughts are casting a pall over life; life is worthy. So am I.

The discipline of finding and listening to my wisdom inner mind comes from practice. Practice redirecting the negative, purging the negative by leaving it alone rather than yelling at it, and sitting in meditation. Yes, meditation not only gives me a period of time where my intention is to be at peace- that intention flows through my day. It takes time, it takes discipline and the results are comforting. 

I am fine, I am enough; if I don't know how to do something I can learn it and I can get help. In time I can go even deeper and live in that space where I trust my own inner wisdom to guide, nurture and sustain me.

Dismiss all the thoughts which bother your mind. Train yourself during many days, many months, many years, to retain this pure mind. One day, when your empty mind has become crystallized, suddenly it will be illumined by its own intrinsic wisdom. At that instant you will realize the state of pure awakening. - Sokei-an, "Return to Your Original State!" 

And then there is this wonderful article about the brain: https://tinyurl.com/yagwql2x

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500 is the author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. Her new book:”Yogic Tools for Recovery: A Guide for Working the Twelve Steps” and it’s workbook are available now.
Kyczy is very proud of her family; husband, kids, and grandkids, all who amaze her in unique and wonderful ways. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.

What Unlovely Feelings Of Envy Can Tell Us

When I look at something or someone and I think to myself "I want this" or "I want to be like that" or "Why can't I have /be/ do/ look like" something other than I am, do, or appear like; it gives me a clue. It gives me a clue about a direction I wish to take, a skill I want to acquire, a behavior I wish to adopt.

There are two parts to this envy - one is the direction of growth that I should consider in order that envy does not remain a dead end of negative feelings, of exalting another and demeaning myself. 

The other part is to recognize that this thing, this attribute, this "look" came at a price for the other person. They made choices, became educated, gained experience, practiced a certain lifestyle to have whatever it is I want: stuff, wisdom, information, status, "notoriety", skill and so on. If I want that THING - I also need to want the whole package: the dedication, the investment, the work, the discipline and so on.

Be sweet with myself, calm and understanding. If I would like THAT, I must do THIS. If not- celebrate the other person for their dedication and choices for having that which I admire.

Avoidance of envy, if it was ever feasible, is a dinosaur gone extinct. The trick is to steer ourselves toward the emotion’s beneficial side. . . .  envy can bring us closer to what we dearly want to attain, and help us course-correct, if necessary, to get ourselves back on track.

- Louisa Kamps, "In Defense of Envy"

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500

Author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. Her new book:”Yogic Tools for Recovery: A Guide for Working the Twelve Steps” and it’s workbook are available now.

You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 8am PT (11 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting.

Kyczy is very proud of her family; husband, kids, and grandkids, all who amaze her in unique and wonderful ways. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com. 

Being: Just The Way We Are

Sometimes I lead a body scan that I call: "This is what it's like, right now" suggesting that the students experience the body just as it is. We meditate to practice noting our internal world just as it is. 

What if I could combine these practices and view myself - just as I am- without criticism, without wanting to redo the past; without future-casting and planning how I will be in the future. What if I could accept myself just as I am, trusting that change IS happening where it needs to; silently, quietly in the background, without force, without negative internal dialogue, without haste. 

Today- and maybe just minute by minute, I am going to practice being fully and completely myself: just as I am.

When we speak of just sitting, we are not limiting ourselves to describing a particular posture or practice. We are describing a way of being in the world in which everything we encounter is fully and completely itself.

—Barry Magid, "Uselessness"

Kycz Hawy E-RYT 500 is a yoga teacher and author. Her most recent book is "Yogic Tools For Recovery: A Guide to Working the Steps". The workbook will be coming out May 15, 2018. Read more at yogarecovery.com

Don't Hide Your Goodness: Be Brave and Shine!

Why do I hide behind shyness, meekness or false humility? Why is it difficult and sometimes painful to stand strong in my competence, my skills and ("shyly" stated) my gifts? 

I used to feel that if I claimed my goodness; emotional or professional, that I would somehow a) stop trying and b) curry disfavor as if I were bragging. And maybe, feeling superstitious, pointing out a goodness would call forth an equal and opposite badness to keep the world in balance.

Remember the "humble brags" of a few year ago where we would state something terrific that we were doing or what was happening and hide it under an "I'm not worthy" umbrella? I don't want to do that anymore.

I want to feel the right size, the size that will be me; no more and no less. It won't deplete the world or others of their goodness and maybe it will help light the room of the world.

When we share our light with others, we do not diminish our own light. Rather, we increase the amount of light available to all. Therefore, when others light our candle, we issue forth light. When out of gratitude we use our candle to light other people’s candles, the whole room gets brighter.-  Master Sheng Yen, "Rich Generosity"

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Happy Valentine's Day- love yourself!

You Are Loved- It's Already Alright (All Right)

Sometimes it is hard to let it in. There are moments when you may feel your heart stretching so much that can be close to painful. We may not recognize this foreign sensation because we have denied it for so long. Breathe it in, let it saturate your being. You are loved. You are loved by those who you thought might never accept you again. You are loved by those with whom you have had troubles. You are loved by those with whom you have had an easy time. You are loved, even in the deep recesses and corners of your being, by yourself. 

Let today be a day that you let that all in. You are loved. 

​"  Be aware of the warmth and good will from others toward you. Sense your connecting to others, how you are supported by a net of relationships. They don’t have to be perfect. Some people do care about you. You are almost certainly loved.Feel carried by consciousness, the effortless knowing of perception and thought. When stress, worry, pressure, or pain appear in the mind, see that the fabric of this suffering—the underlying operating of the mind—is itself fine, is always already fine." - Rick Hanson- JOT​

Kyczy Hawk- author of "Yogic Tools For Recovery; A Guide For Working The Twelve Steps", "Life in Bit Sized Morsels" and "Yoga And The Twelve Step Path" is also a yoga teacher and a specialist in teaching techniques for introducing yoga to people in recovery S.O.A.R.= Success Over Addcition And Relapse.  Read more at www.yogarecovery.com