How Can I Help? Maybe Just Llisten

How Can I Help? Maybe Just Listen

One of the most amazing things I have learned from attending recovery meetings is how to practice empathy. I didn't know it when I first started attending, but I recognize it now. When people share, we listen. Nothing else. We may comment on a similar issue we are struggling with, or a past issue we have resolved, but really - we just listen. We learn to be witness to laughter, to pain and to redemption.

I have been at meetings at which a person has shared, pausing that one moment to collect themselves to avoid crying, and the room becomes absolutely still. No shuffling of feet, no rustling of clothes, no one gets up for coffee or sits down from just having entered the room. The antenna for listening are so acutely and accurately tuned into that person, listening with hearts so open no sound is made. This is empathy,

I have an amazing judgy mind. I listen, I process, I move into solution finding. I want to help and helping requires me to advise, to suggest, to eradicate pain with resolution. THIS IS NOT HELPFUL. This is not true understanding. I may hear, but I am denying the speaker their own wisdom, and the time they need to discover it. This is me, coming from my ego and not from my heart.

We are asked to be of service to others in recovery. While it is suggested we share our experience, strength and hope, we have to time that well, and discern when it is useful. Sometimes just being there is the strongest and most steadfast help we can be. Just for today- I will listen and keep you company while you feel your feelings. If you ask I will share, until then know this:

May I become an island for those seeking dry land A lamp for those needing light, A place of rest for those who desire one, And a servant for those needing service. -  Shantideva, "May I Become an Island" Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500 Author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. She is currently completing her next book for Central Recovery Press:”A Yogic Guide Through The Steps”. Kyczy has been teaching recovery focused yoga classes since 2008.  Taking the foundation of a traditional yoga training she received from the Lotus Yoga Teacher Association (of the Himalayan Yoga Institute), she has combined the wisdom and inspiration from other teachers along the way creating S.O.A.R.™ a program to help prepare yoga teachers to bring the practice to people in recovery.   You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 8am PT (11 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting. Kyczy is very proud of her family; husband, kids, and grandkids, all who amaze her in unique and wonderful ways. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.

Busy Brain Messy Brain

For a person who wants to live from the heart, my head sure gets in the way. Currently I have been meditating a little longer, a little more frequently and what I discovered is that my brain can be a snarly mess. Not snarly in the growly hissy way, but in the my earbuds have mysteriously tangled themselves up again way. 

I go to bed feeling calm, I have a good sleep, perhaps even with pleasant, if just barely remembered dreams. I get up- wash my face, brush my teeth and sit down to meditate. 

Two breathes in and my thoughts shoot out of the gate like thoroughbreds at Pimlico!! On Acid. They don't go in a straight line race- it is more of a maze and with multiple changed courses.

And I have to remind myself "of course"! Of course the mind will bolt around, scampering freely over the meadow of my mind. I just have to watch. I just note it and sit there. There is nothing to do but sit.

Breathe and be quiet and watch the chaos under the hood.

"No matter how savvy and independent and self-controlled we may presume ourselves to be, without mindfulness, chaos is what we discover when we begin to look under the hood."

—Kathleen Dowling Singh, "The Chaos Under the Hood" Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500 Author “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” and “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” among others. She is the founder of S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 7am PT (10 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.

The Action That is Faith

I see living a spiritual life as being an active one. Living is action. It requires discipline.

There is the discipline of returning to my ethics and values and connection with my universal spirit. These are actual steps I must take, things I must (or must not) do to maintain these. they won't come chasing me down, They wont remind me like a patient parent; "now don't forget to brush your teeth!"  I won't suffer a direct consequence such as getting a bad grade if I don't hand in my homework.  I DO get messages from my heart and my gut- but my historical habits have been to over look these- listening to them is, again, a discipline.

There is the discipline of being my values out in the world- to take it to the mat, to the meeting and to my meanderings in life. There is not location nor event that is so insignificant that I may forget living my as my best self.

In both these cases I, personally, make the choice to follow the path. I don't turn the choice or the effort over to another person. Nor I do I make the choice to gain someone's favor. This is how I build "self esteem, and how I am able to be responsible.

I am responsible for living my faith and turning the results over to my H.P.

We should never lose sight of the fact that, however difficult the going may be at times, the living of the spiritual life is ultimately our own responsibility. It should never be abdicated to another, however venerable.-John Snelling, Beware the Charismatic Guru

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500

Author “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” and “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” among others. She is the founder of S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse

Kyczy has been teaching recovery focused yoga classes since 2008.  Taking the foundation of a traditional yoga training she received from the Lotus Yoga Teacher Association (of the Himalayan Yoga Institute), she has combined the wisdom and inspiration from other teachers along the way.  A leader of Y12SR (Yoga of 12 Step Recovery) classes for nearly five years and a devoted teacher to people in treatment centers and in jail- Kyczy created a teacher training program for others who wish to work in this field.

You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 7am PT (10 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.

Opportunity and Ego

Lets get one thing straight. I didn't get this fabulous life alone. And I do have a wonderful life. I may not always acknowledge or appreciate it; like a good meal I may over consume, as with fun I may over do and become fatigued, but I have a wonderful life with many opportunities. I may, at times, think "Oh this great life! Look what I have created for myself!" It is at just those times that I slip, fall, crash in some way. 

I did not make this wonderful life. I have had so many mentors, known and unknown. Those who were aware of showing me the way and those who had no idea that their words or actions could have such influence. I DID show up for it, I DID make choices, I DID work in large and small ways; but the opportunities and the challenges were laid before me.

I walk through life with open eyes and an open heart. I do this not only so that I don't miss that lesson, that challenge, that opportunity to learn and grow, but to find a way to actively "value everyone's contribution and treat everyone with respect."

We learned about gratitude and humility – that so many people had a hand in our success, from the teachers who inspired us to the janitors who kept our school clean… and we were taught to value everyone’s contribution and treat everyone with respect. –Michelle Obama

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500 is a yoga teacher and author. She teaches in treatment centers as well as yoga studios in her hometown of San Jose, CA.  Her volunteer time includes teaching yoga in Elmwood Women’s jail and The Recovery Cafe San Jose. She has been a space holder for the internationally known Y12SR (Yoga of Twelve Step Recovery) for over five years. 

Her books: "Yoga and The Twelve Step Path" and "Life in Bite Sized Morsels" are available online.

How Does the 4th Step Vary from the 10th Step?

What tools can you use to look and the dark and find the light?

I have been musing about self examination, self inquiry, the process of moving through the "unlovely" to discover what needs repair, remediation and remodeling.

I went to a retreat this last long weekend. We were discussing archetypes- those symbols and myths that embrace the difficult and harsh as well as the sweet and compassionate. The invitation is to look at the unpleasant, to bring these actions, behaviors, attitudes and feelings to the front. Bring them into the open so we can SEE them, in the right size for their purpose and their reason. Because there is a reason, they served a purpose.  That usefulness may be long gone, so we may need to let go of that attribute or action.  That is a DEEP DIVE.  That is 4th Step stuff.  Maybe just a little 4th step, but it is more historical than the inventory of the 10th Step.

If my 10th Step behaviors repeat, when my character "defenses" crop up over and over it is a sign to me that I have some 4th Step stuff to do (which includes a 5th, 6th 7th possibly an 8th and 9th as well.) There may be more to the story hanging out behind the curtain. I have to look at the dark to bring it to the light. When I bring it to the fore; I have a chance to change.

"As long as our habit patterns are hidden backstage, they will remain unchanged. As soon as we bring them up onto the stage of our mind and shine the spotlight of awareness on them, they will inevitably change.”

~ Jan Chozen Bays

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500

Author “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” and “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” among others. She is the founder of S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse

Kyczy has been teaching recovery focused yoga classes since 2008.  Taking the foundation of a traditional yoga training she received from the Lotus Yoga Teacher Association (of the Himalayan Yoga Institute), she has combined the wisdom and inspiration from other teachers along the way.  A leader of Y12SR (Yoga of 12 Step Recovery) classes for nearly five years and a devoted teacher to people in treatment centers and in jail- Kyczy created a teacher training program for others who wish to work in this field.

You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 7am PT (10 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting.

More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com. 

The Slow March From Codependence

I want to be helpful, useful, considerate, kind; a contributing member of society. I have skills, there are things I have learned and things that I can do that can benefit others. But, I am slowly learning, not to change the world but to offer myself by BEING myself.

Rather than imposing my solutions on others, I am learning to ask what they already know, offering my experience rather than my advice.  The service of recovery asks that I be responsible to the suffering alcoholic- but only to the alcoholic who wishes to stop drinking - without reserve.  Otherwise - I am just meddling.

So, too, in other relationships I am learning to avoid TELLING and to try asking. It is hard, I am so good at inveigling myself into the life of another- so clever that I could change their world - when really , my work is to change myself.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

​ - Rumi​

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500

Publishing “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” was the happy conclusion to years of study and research into the inter-relationship between the philosophy of yoga and the principles of 12 Step recovery. She has now published “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” among others. She is the founder of S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse

You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 7am PT (10 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting.

Kyczy has been teaching recovery focused yoga classes since 2008.  Taking the foundation of a traditional yoga training she received from the Lotus Yoga Teacher Association (of the Himalayan Yoga Institute), she has combined the wisdom and inspiration from other teachers along the way.  

With deep bows she thanks her teachers; Sarla Walters, Durga Leela, Annalisa Cunningham and Nikki Myers.

More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.