Don't Turn Your Back On Yourself

Feelings are not permanent- they DO deserve acknowledgment as they arise. To refute, refuse or dismiss them is to turn your back on yourself.

Joy, sorrow, frustration, resentment, happy anticipation, celebration: they all are temporary. Feelings have an energy in our emotional body and in our physical body. Letting them BE is the way to let them through. While I want to cling to the positive and avoid the negative; there is no neurological way to put a gate, a filter on feelings. I block one I block them all.

This difficulty with ANY feeling is how I respond to it; if I crave for more, if I dampen or resist. In fact, the feelings themselves can nourish me- I am alive, I have people whom I love and whose absence makes me sad. I am rich with this feeling. I am alive, I have people I anticipate seeing whose presence lifts me up. I I have work to do that allows me to experience curiosity and challenge. Feelings flow and the sensations witness the life in me. They sustain me.

I am human; I have preferences. It is being open to them all, however, without gripping or turning my back that helps me stay in the REAL feeling and not the rage, the depression, the hysteria or the anxiety. I am able to have my feelings, and acknowledge them in health. Acceptance.

When we open to our feelings as they arise, we create the causes and conditions of mental and physical health. This is what acceptance-based inner awareness entails; it is not a practice to put off, any more than breathing, sleeping, or consuming nourishment.- Josh Korda, "Flowing Feelings"

Kyczy Hawk is the author of “Life in Bite Sized Morsels” (2015), “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” (2012) as well a several short books and manuals. She is the creator of S.O.A.R.™ (Success Over Addiction and Relapse) teacher certification program. Her students have gone on to create recovery oriented classes and workshops to serve this population across America and around the world.  

In her third decade of recovery she has faced many situations that have called on her abilities to face adversity while maintaining sobriety. Those that have come in her recent years

Ms. Hawk lives in Silicon Valley, California sharing her time between her family, practicing and teaching yoga, writing and pottery.  www.yogarecovery.com

Focus And Intimacy

Some of you may know that I deactivated my FB account. As I told a dear friend of mine- it was all about ME not THEM. No one had hurt me. I am able to scroll by the unpleasant, the challenging, and the ludicrous. I just couldn't take it anymore.

I had fired myself a while ago and I found it a relief but then I jumped back in. And I was glad- right after the March I found out that we could lift one another and that was good. In reviewing posts I can move toward the healthy and the healing. I can avoid the traps of gossip, negativity and even let go of comparison as people share about the "Side A" of life- imagining that that were the whole story- forgetting about the unlovely "Side B'.

But even that wasn't it. It was the idea that a scroll and a "like" might mean true intimacy, friendship or even genuine support. I have felt like a fraud when someone has come up to me with all the joy and openhearted acceptance of a long time friend- someone I don't recognize- and discover we have been friends on FB for five years. I am disconsolate. I am a fraud.

I yearn for true friendship- one that takes effort, one that requires the reservation of a block of time to talk, to share a meal or a call. I feel isolated even when I run through the feeds activities from others, I am alone in front of my screen truly WASTING away, wasting time that I could spend in the company of a human.

I am afraid that the distraction of FB and other social media (Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter and all of them) keep me isolated and "the part that is heartbroken at the loneliness and isolation of the life we are living—the part that requires medication and constant distraction just to endure it." may indeed be rekindled. 

I don't want to risk emotional relapse by being so lonely it hurts and so isolated I look to shopping, scrolling / trolling, mindless eating and so on to fill the hole. 

I need my spirit back.

There's a tension between the part of us that wants to move along at speed, infatuated with our ever-proliferating array of screens and gadgets, and the part of us that deeply hates them, too. There's the part that doesn't want to be bothered with other people's lives and is therefore comfortable with the false proximity that social media affords. But there's also the part that is heartbroken at the loneliness and isolation of the life we are living—the part that requires medication and constant distraction just to endure it.

- Clark Strand, "A Gleeful Foreboding"

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500

Author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. She is currently completing her next book for Central Recovery Press:”Yogic Tools for Recovery: A Guide for Working the Twelve Steps”.

Kyczy has been teaching recovery focused yoga classes since 2008.  Taking the foundation of a traditional yoga training she received from the Lotus Yoga Teacher Association (of the Himalayan Yoga Institute), she has combined the wisdom and inspiration from other teachers along the way creating S.O.A.R.™ a program to help prepare yoga teachers to bring the practice to people in recovery.  

You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 8am PT (11 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting.

Kyczy is very proud of her family; husband, kids, and grandkids, all who amaze her in unique and wonderful ways. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.

One Pointed Focus- in this day and age

I have a list. I make one to remember what I need to do (my distracted brain can often forget that critical item that woke me up at 3am. I have to write it down.) I also write a list to consciously evaluate my priorities through the day. Pop ups and "things that take longer than assumed" may make a right mess of what I hoped to get done.

But I also do this: I do two things at once (not something like walking and listening to music, a presentation, or talking with a friend) but jumping between screens, between actual research and mindless wandering after links and likes.

In this process I do two things: I fritter away time that I would pay money for at 4:30 when there are still tasks and jobs to do and yet the evening routine calls to me. I have mindlessly "wasted" my time. I can also stir up feelings: anxiety, loss, despair, impotent rage, or a sense of lack as I compare myself, a sense of being left out, a sense of uselessness as I view the works of others. Loss of time and de-centered comparison are only a couple of the dangers.

Unpacking Clark Strand's quote below there are other issues with this gadget- amor and obsession which I will address in another post but for today ONE THING AT A TIME. Rather than bounce moment to moment between screens (screams) of news, gadgets, videos, people; and curated lists of news, gadgets, videos and people- take a long look and leave it. Go on to ONE POINTED FOCUS and practice the discipline of doing one thing at a time; the yoga discipline of dharana.

There's a tension between the part of us that wants to move along at speed, infatuated with our ever-proliferating array of screens and gadgets, and the part of us that deeply hates them, too. There's the part that doesn't want to be bothered with other people's lives and is therefore comfortable with the false proximity that social media affords. But there's also the part that is heartbroken at the loneliness and isolation of the life we are living—the part that requires medication and constant distraction just to endure it. - Clark Strand, "A Gleeful Foreboding" Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500 Author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. She is currently completing her next book for Central Recovery Press:”A Yogic Guide Through The Steps”. Kyczy has been teaching recovery focused yoga classes since 2008.  Taking the foundation of a traditional yoga training she received from the Lotus Yoga Teacher Association (of the Himalayan Yoga Institute), she has combined the wisdom and inspiration from other teachers along the way creating S.O.A.R.™ a program to help prepare yoga teachers to bring the practice to people in recovery.   You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 8am PT (11 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting. Kyczy is very proud of her family; husband, kids, and grandkids, all who amaze her in unique and wonderful ways. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.

Unifying the Divided Self

Without denial and avoidance I want to understand and unify my selves.

I don't want to repress the negative, unpleasant or unlovely thoughts and feelings I have. I don't want to deny them. Nor do I want to perseverate and stubbornly repeat them obscuring the positive. 

l don't know if you have done this, but I surely have. I have a negative emotion (resentment, fear, even concern) and I roll it over in my mind like a favorite hard candy, savoring it and exploring it - nearly hoping it will not dissolve and disappear. I am all about the suffering. Not purposely to suffer, but to be sure I am getting it all. I may hold on to it long beyond its informative value.

On the other hand I don't want to crunch and swallow (to continue the image) barely understanding the flavor of my difficulty. Hurt feelings, fears about change, remorse over past actions- these do require examination so I can mine the lesson, the purpose the usefulness of the negativity. Then I have to let it go. I need to let go of the division between pleasant and unpleasant; the separation between "me" and my experiences, good and bad.

By focussing exclusively on one part of me, one experience rather than the whole, I cut myself into pieces and focus on better or a worse parts of myself.

I am both, I am all, I am complete. I am difficulty and I am ease. I am challenge and I am simplicity. I am hurt and I am peace. It is the separation and the denial of any part that causes or enhances discomfort.

Just for today I will accept it all, in and out, "bad" and "good", easy and difficult. I will practice being whole; integrated and varied.

Ending the Internal Divide

Most human beings spend their lives battling with opposing inner forces: what they think they should do versus what they are doing; how they feel about themselves versus how they are; whether they think they’re right and worthy or wrong and unworthy. The separate self is just the conglomeration of these opposing forces. When the self drops away, inner division drops away with it. - Adyashanti, "The Taboo of Enlightenment" BIO: Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500 Author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. She is currently completing her next book for Central Recovery Press:”Yogic Tools for Recovery: A Guide for Working the Twelve Steps”. Kyczy has been teaching recovery focused yoga classes since 2008.  Taking the foundation of a traditional yoga training she received from the Lotus Yoga Teacher Association (of the Himalayan Yoga Institute), she has combined the wisdom and inspiration from other teachers along the way creating S.O.A.R.™ a program to help prepare yoga teachers to bring the practice to people in recovery.   You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 8am PT (11 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting. Kyczy is very proud of her family; husband, kids, and grandkids, all who amaze her in unique and wonderful ways. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.

How Can I Help? Maybe Just Llisten

How Can I Help? Maybe Just Listen

One of the most amazing things I have learned from attending recovery meetings is how to practice empathy. I didn't know it when I first started attending, but I recognize it now. When people share, we listen. Nothing else. We may comment on a similar issue we are struggling with, or a past issue we have resolved, but really - we just listen. We learn to be witness to laughter, to pain and to redemption.

I have been at meetings at which a person has shared, pausing that one moment to collect themselves to avoid crying, and the room becomes absolutely still. No shuffling of feet, no rustling of clothes, no one gets up for coffee or sits down from just having entered the room. The antenna for listening are so acutely and accurately tuned into that person, listening with hearts so open no sound is made. This is empathy,

I have an amazing judgy mind. I listen, I process, I move into solution finding. I want to help and helping requires me to advise, to suggest, to eradicate pain with resolution. THIS IS NOT HELPFUL. This is not true understanding. I may hear, but I am denying the speaker their own wisdom, and the time they need to discover it. This is me, coming from my ego and not from my heart.

We are asked to be of service to others in recovery. While it is suggested we share our experience, strength and hope, we have to time that well, and discern when it is useful. Sometimes just being there is the strongest and most steadfast help we can be. Just for today- I will listen and keep you company while you feel your feelings. If you ask I will share, until then know this:

May I become an island for those seeking dry land A lamp for those needing light, A place of rest for those who desire one, And a servant for those needing service. -  Shantideva, "May I Become an Island" Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500 Author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. She is currently completing her next book for Central Recovery Press:”A Yogic Guide Through The Steps”. Kyczy has been teaching recovery focused yoga classes since 2008.  Taking the foundation of a traditional yoga training she received from the Lotus Yoga Teacher Association (of the Himalayan Yoga Institute), she has combined the wisdom and inspiration from other teachers along the way creating S.O.A.R.™ a program to help prepare yoga teachers to bring the practice to people in recovery.   You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 8am PT (11 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting. Kyczy is very proud of her family; husband, kids, and grandkids, all who amaze her in unique and wonderful ways. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.

Busy Brain Messy Brain

For a person who wants to live from the heart, my head sure gets in the way. Currently I have been meditating a little longer, a little more frequently and what I discovered is that my brain can be a snarly mess. Not snarly in the growly hissy way, but in the my earbuds have mysteriously tangled themselves up again way. 

I go to bed feeling calm, I have a good sleep, perhaps even with pleasant, if just barely remembered dreams. I get up- wash my face, brush my teeth and sit down to meditate. 

Two breathes in and my thoughts shoot out of the gate like thoroughbreds at Pimlico!! On Acid. They don't go in a straight line race- it is more of a maze and with multiple changed courses.

And I have to remind myself "of course"! Of course the mind will bolt around, scampering freely over the meadow of my mind. I just have to watch. I just note it and sit there. There is nothing to do but sit.

Breathe and be quiet and watch the chaos under the hood.

"No matter how savvy and independent and self-controlled we may presume ourselves to be, without mindfulness, chaos is what we discover when we begin to look under the hood."

—Kathleen Dowling Singh, "The Chaos Under the Hood" Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500 Author “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” and “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” among others. She is the founder of S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 7am PT (10 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.