What Unlovely Feelings Of Envy Can Tell Us

When I look at something or someone and I think to myself "I want this" or "I want to be like that" or "Why can't I have /be/ do/ look like" something other than I am, do, or appear like; it gives me a clue. It gives me a clue about a direction I wish to take, a skill I want to acquire, a behavior I wish to adopt.

There are two parts to this envy - one is the direction of growth that I should consider in order that envy does not remain a dead end of negative feelings, of exalting another and demeaning myself. 

The other part is to recognize that this thing, this attribute, this "look" came at a price for the other person. They made choices, became educated, gained experience, practiced a certain lifestyle to have whatever it is I want: stuff, wisdom, information, status, "notoriety", skill and so on. If I want that THING - I also need to want the whole package: the dedication, the investment, the work, the discipline and so on.

Be sweet with myself, calm and understanding. If I would like THAT, I must do THIS. If not- celebrate the other person for their dedication and choices for having that which I admire.

Avoidance of envy, if it was ever feasible, is a dinosaur gone extinct. The trick is to steer ourselves toward the emotion’s beneficial side. . . .  envy can bring us closer to what we dearly want to attain, and help us course-correct, if necessary, to get ourselves back on track.

- Louisa Kamps, "In Defense of Envy"

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500

Author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. Her new book:”Yogic Tools for Recovery: A Guide for Working the Twelve Steps” and it’s workbook are available now.

You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 8am PT (11 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting.

Kyczy is very proud of her family; husband, kids, and grandkids, all who amaze her in unique and wonderful ways. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com. 

Family IN and Family OUT

It has taken several years. I am, in this moment, at peace with my family.  Part of this has to do with the fact I am now an orphan. I no longer am in active enmeshment with my parents - or avoiding the old dramas, nor creating new ones.

I am also a step back and away from my adult children, finally letting go and seeing them as individuals rather than off-spring.

I have come to realize that all people in my family are not in response to or reflections of me. They are themselves. That way I can approach them, what they do, how they act and respond to others - with compassion and allow them autonomy. The situations flow through around me and I respond with an open heart.

I breathe in and I breathe out - I hold my family as loosely as my breath.

Love to you and your families and your relationships.  Be well 

Manifesting a spiritual practice with our family is extremely difficult, but it’s also really simple. We don’t get carried away by our emotions; we don’t affirm our position at the expense of where others are coming from. But we do our best to open our arms, open our heart, and let what we've got inside us flow out into the situation and let the situation outside flow into us. In that process, we lose ourselves.
- Shozan Jack Haubner, "Drama or Dharma"