The Slow March From Codependence

I want to be helpful, useful, considerate, kind; a contributing member of society. I have skills, there are things I have learned and things that I can do that can benefit others. But, I am slowly learning, not to change the world but to offer myself by BEING myself.

Rather than imposing my solutions on others, I am learning to ask what they already know, offering my experience rather than my advice.  The service of recovery asks that I be responsible to the suffering alcoholic- but only to the alcoholic who wishes to stop drinking - without reserve.  Otherwise - I am just meddling.

So, too, in other relationships I am learning to avoid TELLING and to try asking. It is hard, I am so good at inveigling myself into the life of another- so clever that I could change their world - when really , my work is to change myself.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”

​ - Rumi​

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500

Publishing “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” was the happy conclusion to years of study and research into the inter-relationship between the philosophy of yoga and the principles of 12 Step recovery. She has now published “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” among others. She is the founder of S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse

You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 7am PT (10 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting.

Kyczy has been teaching recovery focused yoga classes since 2008.  Taking the foundation of a traditional yoga training she received from the Lotus Yoga Teacher Association (of the Himalayan Yoga Institute), she has combined the wisdom and inspiration from other teachers along the way.  

With deep bows she thanks her teachers; Sarla Walters, Durga Leela, Annalisa Cunningham and Nikki Myers.

More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.

Refresh and Renew - Simply

The New Year - a new calendar, a new page, a new beginning- time to remove the dust from the "beginner's mind" and take a chance on the unknown.

 

Today - this day, this 29th of December, I will start the practice of looking at the day without pre- judgment, without expectation, without attachment.  Looking at my agenda I will be where I need to be, WHOLE heartedly. I will show up where I said I would show up and be present to what unfolds.

This doesn't mean I go into the day without a plan! I move into each situation with the respect of proper attention and preparation, but I let go of the unfolding. Rather than planning in detail what I will do or what I will say- I will let go of the particulars and be present. Like a kid I will run out into the playground of life, eager, looking around for my friends and right activity, and then plunge in- without a care.

Relinquishing is the ground for practicing 'beginner’s mind.' It helps us see things anew, as they really are; to be willing to listen to the thoughts and ideas of others with an open mind. So the relinquishing of thoughts and ideas about which we have been adamant can give us a sense of freedom, joy, and spaciousness.

—Allan Lokos, "Lighten Your Load"

Family IN and Family OUT

It has taken several years. I am, in this moment, at peace with my family.  Part of this has to do with the fact I am now an orphan. I no longer am in active enmeshment with my parents - or avoiding the old dramas, nor creating new ones.

I am also a step back and away from my adult children, finally letting go and seeing them as individuals rather than off-spring.

I have come to realize that all people in my family are not in response to or reflections of me. They are themselves. That way I can approach them, what they do, how they act and respond to others - with compassion and allow them autonomy. The situations flow through around me and I respond with an open heart.

I breathe in and I breathe out - I hold my family as loosely as my breath.

Love to you and your families and your relationships.  Be well 

Manifesting a spiritual practice with our family is extremely difficult, but it’s also really simple. We don’t get carried away by our emotions; we don’t affirm our position at the expense of where others are coming from. But we do our best to open our arms, open our heart, and let what we've got inside us flow out into the situation and let the situation outside flow into us. In that process, we lose ourselves.
- Shozan Jack Haubner, "Drama or Dharma"

Becoming Aware and Taking Action

To set the stage: while "defilement" is a strong word- it is as correct as phrases such as "toxic" thinking, or "poisonous" ponderings.  The opposite of defilement is purification. We observe saucha, cleanliness, in yoga and right thinking in recovery.

So: when I become aware of my defects and defenses of un-useful thinking, when I develop expectations, grasping or evasion, I have the gift of becoming aware. In recovery I use the sixth step to acknowledge these, and for a cleaner more wholesome life, a life of less suffering, I look toward the seventh step, look to letting go, turning them over. 

If the holidays create difficulty; if closer family connections bring a painful level of expectations, old communication patterns, "should"s or "shouldn't"s, when advertising creates needs where there previously were none, it is good to remember this. Release the defilements of attachment, aversion, expectation and disappointment.

And as S. Armstrong says: it isn't really enough to see them; I must also practice disengaging from them. This is when the suffering will cease.

Seeing attachment, aversion, expectation, and disappointment as they arise allows the mind to understand and to disengage from them. Awareness breaks the spell; the mind is no longer enchanted when we see the defilement for what it is. When a defilement has no hold on the mind, suffering ceases.Steve Armstrong, Got Attitude?

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500

Author “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” and “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” among others. She is the founder of S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse

Join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 7am PT (10 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting.

A leader of Y12SR (Yoga of 12 Step Recovery) classes for nearly five years and a devoted teacher to people in treatment centers and in jail- Kyczy created a teacher training program for others who wish to work in this field.  

More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com. 

Non-Lying, Non- Hiding

I do pretty well on telling the truth - you ask me a question and I tell you no lies sort of thing. I am good with that. I even have brought truth into my ability to set limits in my life- I am practicing the art of non-over-extension. I don't make up stories anymore about why I prefer not to do something, join in, or volunteer.

Just because there is nothing written next to a certain time on my calendar does not mean that I have to fill it - to say yes. I need to have commas in my day, moments of non doing.

The problem is that I still lie to myself; I don't need this rest, I must do this thing, I am not worthy, I look too (fill in the blank). I hide the truth from myself and I hide behind a lie. This lie is often based on special rules I have for myself that I would not have for any other being.  The "you should, you must, everyone else is and you should too" sort of thing. Can I, today, avoid these lies and perhaps let my love and self respect come out of hiding? 

First I must avoid fighting it, perhaps make friends with this character defect. Then work on taming it. :-)

Non-Lying 

Fully facing, getting to know, and actually welcoming the various kinds of liar that I am gives me a taste of not excluding anything; a taste of no inside, no outside. The more I can do this with no outcome or gaining idea in mind, the more truth-speaking and selflessness can naturally arise.

Roshi Nancy Mujo Baker, "Non-Lying"

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500

Author “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” and “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” among others. She is the founder of S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse

You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 7am PT (10 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting.

Kyczy has been teaching recovery focused yoga classes since 2008.  Taking the foundation of a traditional yoga training she received from the Lotus Yoga Teacher Association (of the Himalayan Yoga Institute), she has combined the wisdom and inspiration from other teachers along the way.  

Publishing “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” was the happy conclusion to years of study and research into the inter-relationship between the philosophy of yoga and the principles of 12 Step recovery.  

A leader of Y12SR (Yoga of 12 Step Recovery) classes for nearly five years and a devoted teacher to people in treatment centers and in jail- Kyczy created a teacher training program for others who wish to work in this field.  Trauma sensitivity and the somatics of moving home into your body are some of the basics taught in S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse

With deep bows she thanks her teachers; Sarla Walters, Durga Leela, Annalisa Cunningham and Nikki Myers.

More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.

Sustaining ability with universal intentions

What keeps me going when things are difficult? What allows me to stand firm when speaking my truth? What gives me steadfast allegiance to a compassionate heart when I DO speak my truth?
Harm and sharpness and criticism often come from the place of fear. When I come from fear, insecurity, or pain I am often unskilled, "unlovely" in my thoughts, speech or actions.
When I have faith, when I have reaffirmed my good intentions (not the intentions that come from self will or a controlling spirit), when I have realigned realigned my efforts in companionship with my higher power I can find the courage to be my best, and to do what is right.

For Today: “Courage is fear that has said its prayers.” Step By Step, pg. 97Step Nine

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500

Author “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” and “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” among others. She is the founder of S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse

You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 7am PT (10 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting.

Kyczy has been teaching recovery focused yoga classes since 2008.  A leader of Y12SR (Yoga of 12 Step Recovery) classes for nearly five years and a devoted teacher to people in treatment centers and in jail- Kyczy created a teacher training program for others who wish to work in this field.  Trauma sensitivity and the somatics of moving home into your body are some of the basics taught in S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse

More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com. 

The moment, like recovery ; simple buy not easy

With kindness, even now, this day this morning- in a few minutes I will sit. I will sit and practice coming back to the moment. Time and time again I know my mind will wander - she does- it is her way. And even though I know this fact, I will deal with the disspointment, the frustration and sometimes being cross. WHY CAN'T I JUST STAY HERE NOW! I cry inside my mind. And then I remember, it is her way to wander. And with kindness I come back. Come back to now to the breath and be. 

Just as I veer into emotional intoxiation of one type or another - the longing for a waist line, the desire for a car, the outcome of a certain action- I practice letting go and coming back to what is.  I come back to sobriety; I return to the practice. So simple; so very difficult.

So Simple, So Very Difficult

I have no doubt about the teachings. To live right here now, moment after moment. So simple, and so very difficult. - Peter Matthiessen, "Emptying the Bell" You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 7am PT (10 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting. Author “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” and “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” among others. She is the founder of S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse. Publishing “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” was the happy conclusion to years of study and research into the inter-relationship between the philosophy of yoga and the principles of 12 Step recovery.   A leader of Y12SR (Yoga of 12 Step Recovery) classes for five years and a devoted teacher to people in treatment centers and in jail- Kyczy created a teacher training program for others who wish to work in this field.  Trauma sensitivity and the somatics of moving home into your body are some of the basics taught in S.O.A.R.(™) Success Over Addiction and Relapse With deep bows she thanks her teachers; Sarla Walters, Durga Leela, Annalisa Cunningham and Nikki Myers. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.