What is y12SR ? Great Video

What is behind all the noise in my mind?

Some days I am truly vexed by the running and re-running of a series of unuseful thoughts. Old tapes with false information about who I am, how worthy (or actually UNworthy) I am, my lack of skills or abilities, my looks and so on run incessantly in my brain. These unkind rumors cast a pall on my daily activities, my relationships with others and ruin the spontaneity of joyful living. Sometimes the silent radio of this false information is so incessant that I wonder if there is any reason to be here.

This mind noise is a Big Fat Lie. I am not, I could not be, as bad, failing, lacking, valueless, as this mind chatter makes me seem. I don't have to be enthused with every activity, every action, every connection in my life for life to be of value. The negative thoughts are casting a pall over life; life is worthy. So am I.

The discipline of finding and listening to my wisdom inner mind comes from practice. Practice redirecting the negative, purging the negative by leaving it alone rather than yelling at it, and sitting in meditation. Yes, meditation not only gives me a period of time where my intention is to be at peace- that intention flows through my day. It takes time, it takes discipline and the results are comforting. 

I am fine, I am enough; if I don't know how to do something I can learn it and I can get help. In time I can go even deeper and live in that space where I trust my own inner wisdom to guide, nurture and sustain me.

Dismiss all the thoughts which bother your mind. Train yourself during many days, many months, many years, to retain this pure mind. One day, when your empty mind has become crystallized, suddenly it will be illumined by its own intrinsic wisdom. At that instant you will realize the state of pure awakening. - Sokei-an, "Return to Your Original State!" 

Kyczy Hawk  E-RYT500, Yoga Teacher and Author 

SHAIR 137: Yoga for Internal Healing from Addiction with Kyczy Hawk

What Is Denial? - It Is Kind Of Like Being Asleep

Denial is Like Not Being Awake

My sleep is useful. My sleep dreams allow me to explore lands, relationships, powers and abilities that I may not ever know in "real life". It is a safe place and an undirected discovery of my unconscious mind. My sleep is more often rich with cues and lessons that I cannot see when I am awake.

Being "asleep", however, does not benefit my "awake" state when I am unconscious of my waking actions.  What happens when a part of me is asleep while I am up and about during the day? My conscious mind perceives best without illusion. But sometimes my emotional self isn't ready for my full attention. I act or think in a way that is remote from my actual attention.

This is what denial is for me. My experience of denial is that the rest of me, the most of me, is aware of what I am doing. It is aware of my actions and my choices even when they are detrimental! I may be, in fact, turning a blind eye to what I am doing that is harmful. This is not intentional. In fact, that is part of the problem; the action and the choice are not in line with my life intentions.  And I just don't see it. That blindness can harm me: my emotional, energetic, spiritual or physical health. 

So what happens? How do I wake up? How do I open my eyes? In my experience it comes in flickers: I am reminded of my life purpose, or my intentions, or my values and notice that what I am doing no longer supports them. Then the curtain falls again. Once more, I see the dissonance between my choices the misalignment with who I want to be. Something in my behavior is not in accord with my values. And for a longer time, I see. And so it goes; aware /unaware. Awake and asleep. Until, miraculously, I make the ultimate change; denial is no longer an "option", I wake up and  I transform.

I think that the greatest illusion that we have is that denial protects us. It is actually the biggest distortion and lie. In fact, staying asleep is what's killing us. Eve Ensler

What is behind all the noise in my mind?

What Is Behind The Noise In My Mind?

Some days I am truly vexed by the running and re-running of a series of unuseful thoughts. Old tapes with false information about who I am, how worthy (or actually UNworthy) I am, my lack of skills or abilities, my looks and so on run incessantly in my brain. These unkind rumors cast a pall on my daily activities, my relationships with others and ruin the spontaneity of joyful living. Sometimes the silent radio of this false information is so incessant that I wonder if there is any reason to be here.

This mind noise is a Big Fat Lie. I am not, I could not be, as bad, failing, lacking, valueless, as this mind chatter makes me seem. I don't have to be enthused with every activity, every action, every connection in my life for life to be of value. The negative thoughts are casting a pall over life; life is worthy. So am I.

The discipline of finding and listening to my wisdom inner mind comes from practice. Practice redirecting the negative, purging the negative by leaving it alone rather than yelling at it, and sitting in meditation. Yes, meditation not only gives me a period of time where my intention is to be at peace- that intention flows through my day. It takes time, it takes discipline and the results are comforting. 

I am fine, I am enough; if I don't know how to do something I can learn it and I can get help. In time I can go even deeper and live in that space where I trust my own inner wisdom to guide, nurture and sustain me.

Dismiss all the thoughts which bother your mind. Train yourself during many days, many months, many years, to retain this pure mind. One day, when your empty mind has become crystallized, suddenly it will be illumined by its own intrinsic wisdom. At that instant you will realize the state of pure awakening. - Sokei-an, "Return to Your Original State!" 

And then there is this wonderful article about the brain: https://tinyurl.com/yagwql2x

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500 is the author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. Her new book:”Yogic Tools for Recovery: A Guide for Working the Twelve Steps” and it’s workbook are available now.
Kyczy is very proud of her family; husband, kids, and grandkids, all who amaze her in unique and wonderful ways. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com.

What Unlovely Feelings Of Envy Can Tell Us

When I look at something or someone and I think to myself "I want this" or "I want to be like that" or "Why can't I have /be/ do/ look like" something other than I am, do, or appear like; it gives me a clue. It gives me a clue about a direction I wish to take, a skill I want to acquire, a behavior I wish to adopt.

There are two parts to this envy - one is the direction of growth that I should consider in order that envy does not remain a dead end of negative feelings, of exalting another and demeaning myself. 

The other part is to recognize that this thing, this attribute, this "look" came at a price for the other person. They made choices, became educated, gained experience, practiced a certain lifestyle to have whatever it is I want: stuff, wisdom, information, status, "notoriety", skill and so on. If I want that THING - I also need to want the whole package: the dedication, the investment, the work, the discipline and so on.

Be sweet with myself, calm and understanding. If I would like THAT, I must do THIS. If not- celebrate the other person for their dedication and choices for having that which I admire.

Avoidance of envy, if it was ever feasible, is a dinosaur gone extinct. The trick is to steer ourselves toward the emotion’s beneficial side. . . .  envy can bring us closer to what we dearly want to attain, and help us course-correct, if necessary, to get ourselves back on track.

- Louisa Kamps, "In Defense of Envy"

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500

Author of “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” , “Life in Bite-Sized Morsels” and “From Burnout to Balance” she continues to submit articles to recovery and yoga oriented publications. Her new book:”Yogic Tools for Recovery: A Guide for Working the Twelve Steps” and it’s workbook are available now.

You can join Kyczy and a host of other people in recovery every Sunday morning at 8am PT (11 am ET) on In The Rooms for the Yoga Recovery meeting.

Kyczy is very proud of her family; husband, kids, and grandkids, all who amaze her in unique and wonderful ways. More about her work can be found at www.yogarecovery.com. 

Being: Just The Way We Are

Sometimes I lead a body scan that I call: "This is what it's like, right now" suggesting that the students experience the body just as it is. We meditate to practice noting our internal world just as it is. 

What if I could combine these practices and view myself - just as I am- without criticism, without wanting to redo the past; without future-casting and planning how I will be in the future. What if I could accept myself just as I am, trusting that change IS happening where it needs to; silently, quietly in the background, without force, without negative internal dialogue, without haste. 

Today- and maybe just minute by minute, I am going to practice being fully and completely myself: just as I am.

When we speak of just sitting, we are not limiting ourselves to describing a particular posture or practice. We are describing a way of being in the world in which everything we encounter is fully and completely itself.

—Barry Magid, "Uselessness"

Kycz Hawy E-RYT 500 is a yoga teacher and author. Her most recent book is "Yogic Tools For Recovery: A Guide to Working the Steps". The workbook will be coming out May 15, 2018. Read more at yogarecovery.com

Don't Hide Your Goodness: Be Brave and Shine!

Why do I hide behind shyness, meekness or false humility? Why is it difficult and sometimes painful to stand strong in my competence, my skills and ("shyly" stated) my gifts? 

I used to feel that if I claimed my goodness; emotional or professional, that I would somehow a) stop trying and b) curry disfavor as if I were bragging. And maybe, feeling superstitious, pointing out a goodness would call forth an equal and opposite badness to keep the world in balance.

Remember the "humble brags" of a few year ago where we would state something terrific that we were doing or what was happening and hide it under an "I'm not worthy" umbrella? I don't want to do that anymore.

I want to feel the right size, the size that will be me; no more and no less. It won't deplete the world or others of their goodness and maybe it will help light the room of the world.

When we share our light with others, we do not diminish our own light. Rather, we increase the amount of light available to all. Therefore, when others light our candle, we issue forth light. When out of gratitude we use our candle to light other people’s candles, the whole room gets brighter.-  Master Sheng Yen, "Rich Generosity"

-- 

Happy Valentine's Day- love yourself!

You Are Loved- It's Already Alright (All Right)

Sometimes it is hard to let it in. There are moments when you may feel your heart stretching so much that can be close to painful. We may not recognize this foreign sensation because we have denied it for so long. Breathe it in, let it saturate your being. You are loved. You are loved by those who you thought might never accept you again. You are loved by those with whom you have had troubles. You are loved by those with whom you have had an easy time. You are loved, even in the deep recesses and corners of your being, by yourself. 

Let today be a day that you let that all in. You are loved. 

​"  Be aware of the warmth and good will from others toward you. Sense your connecting to others, how you are supported by a net of relationships. They don’t have to be perfect. Some people do care about you. You are almost certainly loved.Feel carried by consciousness, the effortless knowing of perception and thought. When stress, worry, pressure, or pain appear in the mind, see that the fabric of this suffering—the underlying operating of the mind—is itself fine, is always already fine." - Rick Hanson- JOT​

Kyczy Hawk- author of "Yogic Tools For Recovery; A Guide For Working The Twelve Steps", "Life in Bit Sized Morsels" and "Yoga And The Twelve Step Path" is also a yoga teacher and a specialist in teaching techniques for introducing yoga to people in recovery S.O.A.R.= Success Over Addcition And Relapse.  Read more at www.yogarecovery.com 

Morning Meet and Greet

Meditation: this is a practice in which the reality is both a blessing and a curse. I practice for the former and it is the latter state I work to ameliorate even as I meet it. 

Meditation: the discipline of focus and non-engagement, the practice of silence among the mental clamor, the gift of being in the midst of doing. Breathe, regard the posture, the pose of the body, the feeling tones, the activity of the mind and then...again. 

Meditation: while I may look for "nothing"; nothing is in the space between the moments of attention. It is there that I can meet myself in silence- practicing unconditional love as I see all there is of me. I meet the good and the difficult, the clear and the murky. I can breathe and greet myself just as I am. 

Now; to sit.

“In meditation we have the opportunity to meet ourselves, to see ourselves clearly for the first time. We have never met ourselves properly or spent this kind of time with ourselves before. . . . We cook, we talk, we take a walk, or we swim. We never just sit with ourselves.”

—Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, "Cool Boredom"

Kyczy Hawk RYT E-500 is a yoga instructor and author. She teaches in treatment centers as well as yoga studios in her hometown of San Jose, CA. Her volunteer time includes teaching yoga in Elmwood Women’s Jail and The Recovery Cafe San Jose. She has been a space holder for the internationally known Y12SR (Yoga of Twelve Step Recovery) for over six years.

Kyczy has published several books including “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” 2012 and “Life in Bite Sized Morsels” 2015. Her book “Yogic Tools for Recovery; A Guide To Working The Steps” will be out November 14, 2017.

She is a contributor to national and international magazines (I Love Recovery Cafe, Yoga Times, 12 Step Gazette, OM Magazine, Recovery Today Magazine and Indigo International, among others.)  Kyczy has developed a series of yoga sequences for Studio Live TV that incorporate recovery principles in all-levels yoga classes. The link for them can be found on her website www.yogarecovery.com.

Recovery has allowed her to heal and enhance her relationships with her kids, her family and her grand-family. Life is now rich with possibilities which she explores with art, craft and travel.

Our thoughts are not the [only] reality

I used to hear a pharse in the rooms of recovery: "feelings are not facts". While I do maintain that feelings are real, they are indeed not facts. Neither are my thoughts! 

The impressions of the present moment are real, but the charge or ruminations of the past- not reality. The ponderings and prognositactions about the future, also, not reality.

It is hard to grop, to get, to absorb this as my thoughts can give rise to energy in my body. My body feels in the present moment. My heart is beating hard and fast NOW. My hands are cold, NOW. My shoulders rise NOW. And there is nothing but the feelling of the fingers on the keys and the sounds of the tapping that are real.

My issue seems to come from identifying my fears about the future as being real. The mis-education in my body, the lack of breath and present time awareness scalds my mind- making the ideas in my head more real than what is around me.

So, yes, the thoughts are not the problem. It is the illusion that they are real, when I identify with them. And I may think that the thoughts themselves are facts, as if every thought were of the present.  

With breath, with my senses, with practice I come to the moment, let go of thoughts, and just let them road. I do not need to own them.

The thoughts are not the problem. Thoughts are the nature of the mind. The problem is that we identify with them.

- Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo, "No Excuses" 

Kyczy has published several books including “Yoga and the Twelve Step Path” 2012 and “Life in Bite Sized Morsels” 2015. Her book “Yogic Tools for Recovery; A Guide To Working The Steps” will be out November 14, 2017.

She is a contributor to national and international magazines (I Love Recovery Cafe, Yoga Times, 12 Step Gazette, OM Magazine, Recovery Today Magazine and Indigo International, among others.)  Kyczy has developed a series of yoga sequences for Studio Live TV that incorporate recovery principles in all-levels yoga classes. The link for them can be found on her website www.yogarecovery.com.

Turning Toward Pleasure

I took a three day workshop recently that was based on turning toward pleasure. We find the range of challenge, perhaps the edge of difficulty and then draw back into pleasure: in a yoga pose, in a discussion, in life. I was shocked. As a woman in recovery I am suspicious of pleasure. What if I get "hooked" ? What if I indeed crave something that isn't good for me? I nearly felt panic as she used that word, pleasure, over and over. I have just gotten used to turning into my pain! (A topic for another day.)

While I counsel students to find the sweet spot of engagement in yoga poses, I am often fall shy of doing this myself. "I can take it" has been my repeated phrase (I won't use "mantra" as that is a healing term, curative not harming.) And in life, I have been finding more opportunity for contentment and compassion, but pleasure? 

Maybe this is semantic, and I want to be sure I am not over stepping my puritanical origins by finding joy and thus surely falling short of maximum effort. Perhaps the word itself has been defiled by past use and is a trigger word for me. Perhaps I need to tough out feeling GOOD as I am already practiced in feeling bad.

So this moment, perhaps all day, I will practice turning toward pleasure. The danger, as Epstein states below, is the clinging. And maybe the craving.

​be well, have pleasure​

​

Clinging—not desire—is where we get stuck, and it’s possible to embrace desire without clinging by infusing it with awareness. Desire, in fact, can be a powerful meditative tool on the path to enlightenment.

—Mark Epstein, "In Defense of Desire"

Each moment as it passes

Be in this moment; here, now. That is all that is really real. It is precious, it is beautiful and it is fading away as you become aware of it. This exact moment is all that counts. Awareness of this moment can inform your pleasure.

That is not to say that plans don't matter. That is not to say that our experience, seen clearly and in the proper size and importance, can't inform the present. But the future and the past are not now.

It take so much work to clear that past so that we can mine the real truth that we can use as a choice in this moment. It takes a lot of energy to make a plan and preparation for the upcoming days and weeks. We do this so we have a direction; but the outcome is surely not assured. We can (ineffectively) use more energy in resisting what the future brings when it varies from our concept and we grip to our ideal.

Play. Play with what comes, play with the new you, play in this moment and be awake. Be awake to the beauty of the unknown, unplanned, unattached present. This will become history soon enough.

It is the radical transience of the world that makes it both tragic and beautiful, like the cherry blossom in Japanese aesthetics. The tragedy is that nothing actually exists; it is all passing away the instant it forms. The beauty is that we have the means to be aware of this, a moment to know the profound poignancy of this tiny corner of reality.

—Andrew Olendzki, "This Moment Is Unique"

​- be well​

Kyczy Hawk - ERYT-500. You can pre-order my new book "Yogic Tools For Recovery; A Guide To Working The Twelve Steps". It comes out in November this year!

Love with Curiosity

Love with curiosity unblemished by judgement or the desire to control is a love that can grow and last.

Conditional love is actually commerce- I will give or feel affection if /when you do this or provide that.  Authentic love is a clear stream that doesn't condem the rocks and twigs in its path- it just continues to flow.

Love that is waiting for a person to change or bloom is nearly disrepeactful. "I am here ready to love you, when you grow up, get a job, stop doing this, start doing that, express yourself to me more clearly, know what I want , learn what I need" etc. Loving someone's (potentially) future self is using up their present with your desired future.

Love that is authentic; curious about the changing nature of a person, giving them (and yourself) room to grow is a rare and beautiful thing. The now YOU loving the now THEM with respect and honor. 

This is as true with another as it is between you and yourself. Love your present self with curiousity, the invitation to grow without demand or trajectory.

-- 

But the desire for knowledge has another form, belonging to an entirely different set of emotions. The mystic, the lover, and the poet are also seekers after knowledge… In all forms of love we wish to have knowledge of what is loved, not for purposes of power but for the ecstasy of contemplation… Wherever there is ecstasy or joy or delight derived from an object there is the desire to know that object — to know it not in the manipulative fashion that consists of turning it into something else, but to know it in the fashion of the beatific vision, because in itself and for itself it sheds happiness upon the lover. This may indeed be made the touchstone of any love that is valuable.

​ - Bertrand Russell​

Kyczy Hawk
Upcoming book November 2017: "Yogic Tools For Recovery: A Guide to Worksing the Twelve Steps" by CRP.